New Record: Church Lasts All Of Two Days Pretending To Be Sorry


IRISH society has commended the Irish Catholic Church for the huge effort it exerted in lasting all of two days pretending to be contrite before reverting to its same old tactics and blaming everyone else.

Fresh from a sullen faced ‘hand ups, we’re sorry’ apology late last week, Archbishop Eamon Martin quickly adopted the classic church tone of pointing out how hard done by the church.

Stressing the fact that if it wasn’t for the church the women and children of the Mother and Baby Homes would have endured fates worse than lifelong trauma, child separation, infant mortality, abuse and human trafficking.

“It’s not our fault you did everything we told you to do,” explained a spokespriest of Irish society, further expanding on the fact Martin said the religious orders who ran the homes shouldn’t be ‘scapegoated’.

“Of course they shouldn’t be scapegoated – what are they, Irish women? C’mon!” added the spokepriest. “Remember, we’ve our assets to look after we can’t go taking full blame”.

The quick but entirely predictable reversal from the Church has rendered their initial apology as genuine as 4 stripe Adidas, something many saw coming a mile away.

“Couldn’t even go a week without turning around and blaming everybody but the Church, well at least you tried. You’re heart breaks for the real victims in this, the Church” shared one member of public.

Elsewhere, the government welcomes the continued anger at the church and would like for you to continue ignoring how they’re ignoring every plea from survivors by trying to leave this all in the past.