Eoghan Murphy Still Showing His Face In Public, Somehow


FORMER Minister for Housing Eoghan Murphy shocked the nation with his viewpoints on the current Covid-19 lockdown during Dáil proceedings yesterday, as many had no idea that he had not fled the country in absolute shame months ago.

“Now when you say Eoghan Murphy, you surely don’t mean the Fine Gael lad, do you?” asked one shocked mother-of-three we spoke to, still in emergency accommodation since Murphy’s heyday as Minister for Housing.

“The lad who sat as housing minister while homelessness skyrocketed? Fuck. I would have thought that he’d have slinked off to some cushy private sector job by now, but you’re telling me he’s still showing up as a TD, getting TD wages and TD perks? Wow. You’d wonder what it would take to get sacked in this country”.

Murphy, who retained his Dublin Bay South seat in the last general election somehow, took to the Dáil to seek clarity on the government’s plan for a post-Christmas lockdown, prompting many to wonder where this passion was when he was in a position to actually do some good.

“So let me get this straight; the guy who was Minister for Housing when a JCB ran over a homeless man sleeping rough… that lad still has a job in government?” asked yet another bamboozled person we spoke to.

“And what’s he doing now, asking what the government are going to do about lockdown? Surely Murphy is aware that he’s part of the government, isn’t he?”

Sensing hostility, Murphy has made himself unavailable for comment on matters regarding anything except how Sinn Féin are a bunch of nitpicking assholes.