BREXIT: Johnson Self Isolating Again, Cummings Is Gone, Sky Box Didn’t Record End Of Strictly

THE hits keep coming for Prime Minister Boris Johnson, after a weekend of woe that culminated in him sitting down to catch the results show of Strictly Come Dancing only to find that the blasted DVR cut off the last bit, leaving him unsure as to whether Maisie or Max got voted off.

“Blast this infernal contraption” fumed Johnson, beginning yet another 14-day period of isolation after finding out that a close contact had been diagnosed with Covid-19.

“I shan’t be able to find out who lost until next week; I can’t even ask Cummings to find out for me because that blighter has blooming well buggered off, the cad. Well, at least I feel as fit as a butcher’s dog” he added, while accidentally spilling his glass of red wine all over his white sofa.

With an extra ten minutes on his hands due to the recording error, Johnson turned his attention to Brexit in a bid to distract himself from everything that was going wrong by focusing on something that was also going wrong, but which he did not really care that much about.

“I may have just struggled through a week of turmoil among my inner circle and I have accidentally double-dropped Covid, but at least Brexit is going well” said Johnson, shortly before discovering that the reason his tea wasn’t ready is because even though he switched on the kettle, he had forgotten to turn it on at the wall.

Meanwhile, vets around the country are reporting as new mystery illness that is targeting butcher’s dogs, leaving them weak and pathetic for months at a time.