Breaking: Brian O’Donovan Brian O’Donovaning Harder Than Ever Before


TV VIEWERS have expressed their concern to RTÉ that Brian O’Donovan may be reaching never before seen levels of Brian O’Donovaning; an intense crescendo of distinctive news speak and intonations that could spell catastrophe for the journalist if he doesn’t let up.

“He’s clearly trying to share with the audience just how important the news out of the US is, but by God man, settle down! You’re over O’Donovaning,” shared one viewer who has been wrapped up in US election coverage since yesterday evening.

O’Donovan, with the head of an egg and the voice of a news God, has quadrupled the ferocity with which he relays the Washington DC goings on to viewers at home with little to no thought for whether his body can sustain such levels of reportage.

“Eileen, Catriona, Sharon, whoever is presenting, for his own safety cut to some eejit in Mayo claiming to be Biden’s 18th cousin, O’Donovan can’t maintain this, he’s gonna blow!” added another viewer of O’Donovan’s O’Donovanisms which are now unrelentingly intense and full of earnest reporting.

News scientists believe a combination of the seriousness of what O’Donovan is conveying to viewers and the giddy knowledge of how many viewers are watching him could have mixed to form a rare strain of pure unadulterated Colombian-grade O’Donovan, the likes which have never been ingested by TV viewers’ eyeballs before.

Staring down the barrel of the camera like a man possessed the RTÉ reporter began yet another round of O’Donovaning.

“Trump has indeed claimed that this election is a fraud but! That… simply isn’t-the-case-from-what-we’ve-seen-on-the-ground,” O’Donovan O’Donovaned, with even more scant regard for the average person’s way of speaking than normal.

“If Pat Kenny is news jazz, this maniac is one part news Sinatra, eight parts news Metallica, Brian you need to tone it down or the news itself will burst into flames,” warned one RTÉ producer into O’Donovan’s earpiece, but O’Donovan had taken that out of his ear twenty O’Donovanisms ago.