A HUGE nationwide Garda checkpoint operation, requiring virtually 100% of the police force appears to solely consist of gardaí waving traffic on with a customary nod and a wink, if recent motorist reports are to be believed.
Standing, hands on hips and occasionally waving traffic onward with little to no disruption, the massive undertaking by the gardaí has seen officers administer close to 100,000 emotional-free nods of the head so far today.
“I was expecting to be striped searched the way the politicians have ya thinking but all I got was a firm ‘howiya’ and a nod, the garda didn’t even bother asking the 12 other lads I had in the car what they were up ta, and what the bags of ‘talcum powder’ were for,” confirmed one motorist on his way to completing a 32 counties in one day driving challenge.
With new fines for Level 5 restrictions non-compliance taking effect, a garda spokesperson reiterated that the public would feel an enhanced garda presence on the nations roadways.
“If some selfish prick out there thinks he can break every fecking guideline in the book and An Garda Síochána will only give him a look that communicates ‘gwan there now, keep driving, don’t be slowing people down’, well then, he’s dead right,” confirmed the spokesgarda for Operation ‘Mon There Now.
Despite the lackadaisical checkpoints, this hasn’t stopped local man Declan Bridley, who has broken no rules, from sweating buckets every time he is forced to drive through a checkpoint.
“Shit, shit, shit, what’s my excuse for them,” a drenched in sweat Bridley said to himself, despite breaking no rule, before shortly explaining to a guard that he’s only going down the road because his sister has been kidnapped by Colombian Farc rebels and he’s Marty Whelan bound and gagged in the boot.