Politicians Suddenly Discover Concerns About Nation’s Mental Health


ABSEILING down abandoned mine shafts, exploring long forgotten caves on uninhabited islands, climbing to previously unreachable mountain tops, politicians of all shapes, sizes and questionable brain power have discovered the once mythical topic of ‘mental health’.

Many speaking passionately for the very first time about a subject they have resolutely ignored, politicians are bravely now using mental health for cheap point scoring and defence/criticism of everything the government/own party/rival party does and doesn’t advocate in order to combat Covid-19 and reopen Irish society.

“Look,” shared one opposition TD as they sparked a flare into life, shining a light on something they’d never seen before, “just what I need – to get some good exposure online. It’s never too early to secure some votes for the next election,” they added as ‘what about mental health?’ came into focus from the shadows.

“We need to keep everything open, think of people’s mental health,” offered one government TD, confidently referencing their own hunch and nothing else.

“We need to shut down everything, think of people’s mental health,” countered one irate TD, making sure not to consult any expert in doing so.

“Yes, more funding for mental health by which I mean enhanced grants and tax break for big businesses!” championed another TD.

Careful to speak slowly and explain clearly to the Irish public, intrepid explorer-politicians continue to share their discovery of this strange new discovery no ordinary person in Ireland had ever thought to mention before.

“Yes, I’ve failed to show up to committees exploring this topic, ignored my own constituents pleas, shrugged my shoulders out of boredom and indifference but it is now convenient for me, politically, to say I too have a mental health, everyone has a mental health, and I’m willing to use mentally healthy or healthy mentals, whatever it’s called, to make my cheap points about making sure my local golf course isn’t closed,” added another politician, who will drop the subject of mental health from their agenda as soon as the country reopens.