“That’s Only A Tenner Each!” We Speak To Sessioners About The €1,000 House Party Fine


WITH the government publishing proposed legislation which will seek €1,000 fines for people who organise or host house parties, or other gatherings that break Covid-19 Level 5 restrictions, WWN speaks to self-proclaimed sessioners about the new move.

“We’d fit at least a tonne in the gaff, so that’s only a tenner each,” explained Waterford man Jayo Lonergan, totting up names of friends and acquaintances he expects to charge ten euros each for admission to his session, “it’s fairly reasonable when ya think about it considering some of the clubs around town charge twice that to get in”.

“Will the gardaí do security on the door as well?” asked Dublin session organiser Jimpy Nagle, referring to how gardaí will not be allowed enter a home, but just hang around outside pleading for people to leave, “beause it would save us on hiring doormen and that if people get too messy, fair fucks to the guards, at least they’ll be useful for something”.

“Because of the new lockdown we had to cancel our wedding with the local hotel who were charging us twenty grand,” said Maggie Smith from Cork, “so we’re just gonna put a marquee out the back and have it here – this literally saves us 19k. Thanks Justice Minister Helen McEntee, you’re the best!”.

“We’ll probably hold this year’s golf bash in mine and invite all 82 of the lads,” stated a high court judge, who wished to remain anonymous. “Get Philly back, Sean, Noel; at least this time it will be private and no one can say or do nothing. And as for the measly fine, pfft, that’s an hours work for me”.