‘Illegal Immigrant’ Vs ‘Undocumented Irish’: The Differences Explained


DUE TO RECENT NEWS a fresh spotlight has been shone on the term ‘undocumented Irish’, used to describe those Irish living in America without a valid visa, and just how it differs from ‘illegal immigrant’.

In a bid to provide the necessary clarifications and specific distinctions, WWN has consulted with figures in the Democratic and Republican parties, as well as Irish people with relatives in America to straighten things out once and for all. Here’s how to spot the difference between an ‘undocumented Irish person’ and an ‘illegal immigrant’:

Example one: Johnny Carty, Philomena and Joe Carty’s youngest, living in Boston since ’94 after getting a young Yank girl pregnant during USA ’94, and riding it out on his tourist visa ever since = undocumented Irish ah it’s awful, he hasn’t been back home since for fear he won’t be let back into the US. Horrible stuff.

Example two: A 5-year-old Syrian child orphaned by a proxy-war sustained by the US, Russia and other interested parties, who is now trying to attain refugee status in the US through the proper process = illegal immigrant nice fucking try pal.

Example three: Eoin ‘Bricker’ Burkin, didn’t bother with the visa shite, not even a J1, got work on the building sites in New York in the early 2000s through a cousin who did the same the Summer before him = undocumented Irish your heart would break for him, living in limbo like that. Have the US officials no hearts at all?

Example four: Amaya Burkin, mixed-race French-Iranian, applying to study at university in the US = illegal immigrant Burkin! Burkin? Could have hidden it a little better. Burka? Just flaunting it out there in the open, doing herself no favours.

Example five: Isabel Murillo, undisclosed location in Texas, recovering for forced hysterectomy at hands of health officials at detention centre = illegal immigrant Nicaragua is a perfectly stable country with a strong economy so no excuses, sorry.

Example six: Sean Stewart, nicest lad you’d ever meet, wouldn’t harm a hair on anyone’s head, but would you believe they’re trying to deport him after him defending himself with a broken pint glass. Judge has it all wrong, you can stab a homeless man 50 times in the neck in self defence = undocumented Irish ah jaysus, crazy stuff and sure they’d let Mr Sob Story Middle East man and his 15 wives into the US no bother.

Example seven: Laura Higgins, her of the Higgins out Lahinch way. A nurse who moved over on a visa in ’99. She’s not Higgins anymore, of course, goes by Sanchez these days, ‘married a Hip Spanic’ according to the mother. Anyway, she’s changed to say the least, and their kids? Tearaways by all accounts, and very tanned, almost too tanned, says Laura’s father = illegal immigrant.