SINGER songwriter Noel Gallagher has been reportedly induced into a coma and put on a ventilator last night by angered frontline workers in a bid to prove Covid-19 and wearing masks are not a ‘pisstake’, WWN has learned.
The abduction and sedation of the former Oasis man comes after the 53-year-old rubbished the wearing of masks to prevent the virus from spreading in public scenarios, stating “if I get the virus it’s on me, it’s not on anyone else… it’s a piss-take.”
“We decided to show Noel exactly the kind of piss Covid-19 was taking,” one of the abducting doctors explained, now draining Noel’s colostomy bag as he lay motionless in a makeshift ICU unit.
“We figured if we showed this smartarse what vulnerable people go through when stricken down by this virus, he might use his fame to highlight the dangers, instead of completely disregarding the last 9 months of suffering and death”.
In making his comments Gallagher joins Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown, Morrissey and footballer Matt Le Tissier among others on the list of middle aged men’s heroes from the 90s making twats of themselves.
Not wanting to miss out the action 90s rival and Blur frontman Damon Albarn said “yeah, fuck it, in for a penny; cough on your elderly granny everyone”.
While critics have pointed out Gallagher’s pandemic expertise extends to ryhming ‘mind’ with ‘find’ and knowing no more than 4 chords on guitar, the Mancuncian had previously warned people against putting their life in the hands of a rock and roll band.
We appreciate all the help we can get, become a WWN Patreon Supporter below and gain access to bonus content.Become a Patron!