Johnson Worried He Won’t Be Able To Give Covid Fuck Up Same Attention As Brexit Fuck Up

DOWNING STREET insiders have today spoken of Boris Johnson’s ‘profound worry and fear’ that his recent focus on ensuring an embarrassing defence of his government’s colossal misdeeds regarding recent Brexit fuck ups will starve him of the time, energy and focus he would otherwise lavish on ballsing up his country’s Covid-19 strategy.

“I’ve never seen him so fearful before that he may not be able give over an equal share of his bumbling ineptitude to the two, concurrent omni-shambles,” one Downing St official shared.

“If the Leonardo Di Vinci of cocking things up isn’t confident he can simultaneously cock up his Brexit and Covid responses to the best of his inabilities, then we may be facing the unthinkable; one fuck up might lessen slightly in its severity while he’s off messing up the other,” added the disconsolate official.

Insiders report of the huge toll exacted on Johnson and his inner circle with many fearing one extra Covid-19 failing could come at the expense of a failure to issue one more ludicrous statement about the Internal Markets Bill and the EU trying to starve Britain.

“If me and my government spend an afternoon urging the nation to rat on neighbours having 7 people in their home, we simply don’t have the time to issue xenophobic slurs about our European neighbours. I’m betwixt and between, I’m all at sea,” Johnson reportedly said, the pressure of managing competing fuck ups finally getting to the ‘I might go for a drive to test my eye sight’ levels.