Older Siblings Refusing To Recognise Sister’s Leaving Cert Results


RATHER than rushing to congratulate their younger sister Gráinne on her solid 500 points showing in this year’s Leaving Cert, older siblings Cormac (370 points) and Niamh (480 points) have labeled it as ‘not a real Leaving’.

In a sign that the pandemic has left some things unchanged, Cormac and Niamh spent the morning passive aggressively undermining the achievements of their sibling, unable to muster genuine pride or praise for ‘bullshit exams sat by an algorithm’ and querying why the family had to go out for a celebratory lunch.

“Back in my day, we actually had to sit the exams y’know,” barked Niamh, seething at losing her crown as the ‘smartest’ sibling but will be appealing the decision to the examination board.

“Yeah, I thought you had to actually do a Leaving Cert to get results,” remarked Cormac with a 370-points level insult at best, bless him.

Gráinne along with her 2020 classmates faces the prospect of years ‘not a real Leaving’ jibes from people who are just jealous her year avoided the psychological horror show that is Leaving Cert exams.

“Jesus Gráinne, I told you that feckin’ computer would cock it all up what are these fucking Hs? I’ll ring Joe Duffy and get you your proper results,” confirmed always on the ball father, Declan.

Meanwhile, a local swot who joked that he ‘hadn’t studied at all’ received failing grades in everything, after the algorithm took him up on his bullshit.