Everything You Need To Know About Steve Bannon


ARRESTED in New York and indicted for fraud in connection with an online fundraising scheme, the former Trump campaign chief executive is back making headlines.

Here’s all you need to know about Steve Bannon:

– 66 years of age, which is 496 in Steve Bannon years.

– ran Donald Trump’s 2016 election campaign directly up a hill leading to a gathering of hooded men setting fire to a cross.

– famously smells of old moth balls soaked in cat’s urine

– when Trump tried to fire the NY states attorney recently, it probably had nothing to do with the case that has now resulted in Bannon and three associates being arrested.

– a cure for female arousal.

– is worth too much money to look like a tramp who fell on hard times after collapsing on some bad luck and impaling himself on can’t catch a break.

– served on board of Cambridge Analytica, the disgraced data company which engaged in ‘political-voter surveillance’ and was caught on tape offering to help politicians win elections using illegal methods such as bribery and honey traps involving ‘beautiful Ukrainian girls’.

– played the bad guy in robocop who got doused in acid before being run over and killed

– personal hygiene routine involves washing body with a recently deceased frog that’s been stuffed with gone off tins of tuna.

– despises Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, so he’s not all bad.

– perfected Trump’s tactic of constantly overwhelming the media with a deluge of controversy, scandal and non sequiturs, making it near impossible for outlets to keep on top of the news.

– known to undertip restaurant staff by as much as ‘fuck you, I ain’t paying’.

– was considered for the role of Gollum in Lord of the Rings before producers choose to go down ‘a less visibly disturbing alternative’ route.

– serving in the US military and then working for Goldman Sachs, before being responsible for the resurgence of white nationalism through Breitbart News, he is unequivocally the worst.

– has no Irish ancestry. Don’t know where you heard that. Shut up.

– recently arrested for some, polite, entry level, let’s not go crazy and call it a crime crime AKA fraud.

– you just know he creeps out whatever number of nieces he has.