FOLLOWING the debate over Fianna Fáil TD Barry Cowen’s drink driving ban and his holding of a provisional licence for the majority of his adult life, fresh attention is being paid to the fact that over 35,000 Irish drivers are on their 4th-and-counting learner permit.
WWN is proud to announce it has partnered with the Dept of Transport to create a fast track system which will allow provisional drivers attain their full licence by taking our simple but perfectly safe and responsible test below.
Test your knowledge here:
Q: Are you a competent driver?
A) Me? I’m not the fucking problem pal, you want to see the nutcases out their obeying the speed limit and treating red lights like they mean something. Here, crack open this can for me there, will ya? My free driving hand is scratching my arse.
B) Yes, but like everyone else it’s important to remember I’m driving a hunk of metal that could turn into a lethal weapon if I was to drop my concentration levels or become complacent.
Q: What do white zig-zag lines on the road mean?
A) There’s a coke dealer operating in the area.
B) It means there’s pricks walking as slow as a quadriplegic tortoise lathered in quick drying industrial strength glue.
Q: Finish this sentence ‘I’ve been driving…’
A) For most of my life, I don’t need a feckin’ know-it-all with a clipboard to tell me I’m Lewis Hamilton. Be grand.
B) With a qualified driver at all times and steer clear of motorways.
Q: Does parallel parking give you nightmares
A) I just keep driving until another space opens up, one time I was driving for so long I ended up taking a ferry and driving to Marseille. Fuck all decent parking there too.
B) Yes, especially when I fall asleep at the wheel after a few pints.
Q: Finish this sentence ‘I’d have taken the test ages ago but…’
A) There was a 3 month backlog when I first looked at applying in 2004.
B) I don’t take tests, tests take me. Haha, but in all seriousness I’d only fail it ‘cus I’m fucking dreadful.
Q: At a junction with roads of equal importance to whom should you give way?
A) Give way? I’m not about to let people think I’m some weak pussy. Acceleration time!
B) Just hit the breaks as a precaution if it feels like you’ve hit a body.
Q: Fucking cyclists
A) Fucking cyclists!
B) Fucking cyclists!
Mostly As? Ah gwan so, here’s your licence. No harm, no foul ye feckin’ scamp.
Mostly Bs? Say nothing, and remember if stopped by the guards just scream ‘shouldn’t you be out there catching the real criminals?’