Nearly 400,000 Perverts Tune In To Watch Normal People


NEW figures released by RTÉ show that almost half a million dirty bastards tuned in to watch the latest episode of acclaimed new drama series Normal People, currently streaming in glorious 144p on the RTÉ Player.

The state broadcaster noted a 300% increase on last week’s episode, with viewership split between those who tuned in to see if it was as filthy as they had heard ‘in a good way’, and those who tuned in to see if it was as filthy as they had heard ‘in a bad way’.

I Own An Institute matriarch Orla Ballcock appearing on TV today to take the Sally Rooney adaptation to task over what she called ‘a blatant attempt to subvert the despicable heathens who pass for Christians in this once-decent country’, and also to promote her new cookery book.

“This so-called drama revolves around two young sinners engaging in animalistic sex; they even show them at it in two different positions!” huffed Ballcock, wincing at the thoughts of it.

“If that is what has become of the standards on Our Lady’s station, then they may as well go ahead and take the Angelus off the air. To think that there’s 400,000 disgusting, perverted people out there who could sit down and watch something like that, without even being married to their televisions. I’m appalled, and you’re all going to hear about it”.

Meanwhile, WWN took to the streets to see what the mood of the public was in regards to the show.

“I can’t really comment, I only watched up to a certain part and then I felt immediately sleepy for some reason” said one man we spoke to.

“I found it hard to get sexually excited due to the sub-standard level of GAA play depicted on screen” said a Waterford woman.

“We watched it together and found it to be a well-told story of young love” said the wife of one couple we interviewed.

“It was the dirtiest thing I’d seen in about an hour”, her husband unwisely added.