Revealed: The Best Excuses Given By Drivers At Garda Checkpoints


WITH LOCKDOWN restrictions remaining in place for now and Garda checkpoints set to increase over the coming days, WWN has heavily researched all vehicles and drivers stopped and questioned by gardaí.

Collecting all the best excuses for why people feel they are justified in defying the sort of restrictions that could help save lives and get Ireland back to some semblance of normality as soon as is possible, WWN has collated the definitive list of excuses.

Why not try some of these excuses yourself when you’re stopped at a checkpoint:

“My mechanic said I should walk the car at least twice a day”

“Hold on a second, this isn’t my Playstation controller!”

“This lockdown is playing havoc with my personal life. I have to visit my second secret family, and floor it to and from the two houses so my wives continue to suspect nothing”.

“My favourite barista, whose coffee shop is 120km away, is doing collection only lattes – this is a matter of life or death”

“Shut up you idiot, I’m undercover!”

“I have a special cert, medical dispensation like, from my cocaine dealer than says I’m allowed to travel to his gaff to buy my usual”

“I was just checking if you needed a hand, Garda”

“This is against my second amendment rights, last time I checked this is still America…wait, what? Fuck, I’ve taken a wrong turn here somewhere”

“I’ll be 100% honest Guard; I’m trying to get arrested”

“Is this not the queue for the Covid-19 drive thru test?”

“Fair’s fair Garda, you’ve caught me, which is why I’m going to spend the next 30 minutes being an absolute cunt to you”

“Please Guard, it’s an emergency, it’s my wife! She’s (sobs), she’s a fucking dose”

“Can I get two happy meals, one chicken McSandwich and four large fries”

“This is a violent police state crackdown, my rights are being oppressed. We’re living in 1984! Ah no, in fairness, driving the other side of the country to my holiday home is all on me”

“I’ve a face mask on the car’s exhaust, so relax. Any one else feel dizzy all of a sudden?”

“I was only out driving to see all the fucking eejits out and about driving for no reason, it’s a fucking disgrace if you ask me guard. Fair play to ya, give them hell I say”

“I’m not real, Guard. You’re dreaming me”

“It was either go for a drive or murder my entire family, Garda”