Here’s What Needs To Happen For GAA Games To Return

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ALL AROUND Europe leading sporting bodies are tentatively exploring a return to staging sporting competitions, but how could the GAA ensure the All-Ireland Championships could get the go-ahead in the safest possible manner while adhering to current restrictions.

WWN Sports spoke to a number of leading experts in the fields of virology and gaelic games and here’s what we learned:

Before any further steps are taken, GAA accredited witch doctors are working around the clock to figure out how the Mayo curse got out of hand and caused the Coronavirus in the first place.

All schmozzles will take place in zorbing bubbles.

To help alleviate a fixture pile up, all provincial championships will be played on ‘Gaelic Games’ on the PS2.

Hurling helmets will come pre-fitted with face masks. As is always the case some ‘hard bastards’ will try to displays how hardy they are by just using the normal helmets.

O’Neills will begin production on a giant face mask that can fit over all of Croke Park, could be ready by start of June.

Social distancing would have to be maintained – points will have to hit at least two metres above the crossbar to adhere to current restrictions.

In the case of matches being played in empty stadiums, those who miss abusing referees and umpires more than any other aspect of games could have their ‘you’re only a cheating cunt’ abuse piped into grounds via a Zoom call hooked up to stadium speakers.

In the meantime the GAA are exploring sending Joe Brolly around to everyone’s front garden to start contrary arguments so no one misses out.

Several county boards have submitted that Covid-19 is somehow proof Dublin needs to be spilt up into different teams.

The GAA are under pressure to bring back games as soon as possible so people are no longer subjected to Instagram videos of players ‘at home’ skills training videos. Appeals have also been made for the quick return of club and county games so lads who define themselves by claiming they were robbed by not making the starting 15 every week have a purpose in life once again.

With no mass gatherings of 5,000 or more people permitted, Dublin games at Parnell Park could remain unaffected.

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