UK Given Dire Health Warning As Recovering Johnson Threatens To Return To Work


FEARS have escalated within the UK as the country is placed on its highest level of panic after Boris Johnson confirmed his intention to get back to work.

While the UK government had been getting on just fine making mistakes without him, such as suppressing NHS workers from speaking out to contradict lies told by Health Secretary Matt Hancock, it is thought that with Johnson returning to the fold mismanagement of the UK’s Covid-19 response will be ramped up and escalated at least tenfold.

With recent revelations indicating Johnson failed to show up for the first five Cobra meetings on the pandemic as it spread through China and decided to take a two week holiday after the first UK cases were announced, the news that he is to once again take charge couldn’t have come at a worse time for the health and safety of the UK population.

“Quadrupling of home care deaths in a week, and at a time of PPE shortage for health workers the government isn’t even bothering to respond to business offering to produce PPE in the UK. Bollocks, the last thing we fucking need is Boris back in action too,” confirmed one observer, who added that the return of Johnson to the fold was like putting blind, deaf and clumsy elephant in charge of clearing a field of landmines.

It is believed Johnson is set to ramp up his strategy to tackle Covid-19 by shifting from being too slow and too incompetent to just repeatedly saying ‘hey, I nearly died so it’s not fair to bring up my negligence that has likely cost thousands of lives’.

In light of the news, health experts have upgraded the UK’s current status to ‘Oh Christ, no!’