Dole Office To Give It A Week Before Hounding Man About Having No Job


THE MORE LENIENT approach is said to be an extreme sign of how unprecedented the times we are currently living in truly are, with Waterford man Daniel Hannity the welcome recipient of the new, more understanding social welfare regime.

“Sound, how kind,” confirmed the newly unemployed Hannity, in a tone that suggested he thought it was perhaps ‘not sound’ nor ‘kind’.

WWN understands this change to core practices within many dole offices has taken its toll on some department of social protection workers.

“Normally I’d bark at the lads to ring claimants the second they’re out the door, hounding them about why they hadn’t got a job during the 14 steps it took them to go from the counter here to outside, but devastatingly we’ll have to hold off on hounding for at least a week,” explained one senior official.

“It’s been done by phone too, so you don’t even get the satisfaction of a face-to-face grilling that strips people of their dignity,” added the official, who probably uses his daily exercise within 2 kilometres of his home to drown puppies or something.

Elsewhere, the Dole Claimers Association of Ireland, whose membership is sadly set to skyrocket, issued a statement to new and existing members:

“To those estimated 15,000 or so people who applied for the emergency Covid-19 payment who actually had no jobs or similarly didn’t qualify for the payment – we salute your cute hoorism and are proud to see this current crisis has not lessened Irish people’s desire to chance their arm. We must never lose this side of ourselves”.

UPDATE: Mr. Hannity confirmed he received a passive aggressive call featuring multiple uses of dismissive tutting, which indicates dole offices can still deliver a winning service even during a pandemic.