Spoiled Millennials Get Ready For Second Recession Of Their Lifetime


THE pampered and spoiled snowflake generation of Ireland is stocking up on avocados and poetry recitals ahead of their next bitterly tough recession, during which they’re expected to do nothing except bitch and whine, WWN can report.

Defined as anyone born between 1980 and 1994, but actually used as an insult for anyone under the age of 50 who doesn’t mine coal for a living or someone who complains about ‘being a bit depressed’, millennials have long been a source of irritation for those who just want to go out and work to the bone until they die with the same haircut they had when they proudly made their First Communion.

With glad tidings from the ESRI about the deep recession that the Coronavirus outbreak will leave the Irish economy in, millennials who haven’t already fled for a cushy life in Australia, or killed themselves, will probably do so now, doubtlessly whining about how their nonsense barista career or arts degree isn’t being appreciated enough.

“That’s just me; I’m a millennial, always grousing about something, whether it’s the price of skinny jeans or the second bitter recession I’m having to deal with in only a decade,” voiced Waterford millennial and dad of two, Eamon Hughes.

“Sorry about all the giving out I’m about to do over the next few years on how my job is gone and being pushed out of my house because I can’t afford the extortionate rent. And sorry that I couldn’t afford my own house in the first place thanks to your borrowing – that’s all my fault”.

Meanwhile, older people have been advised that if they get tired of mocking millennials for their inability to deal with one life-shattering economic crisis after another, to take a stab at the even younger ‘Gen-Z’, while everyone’s still alive.