Here’s What’s In The Government’s Covid-19 Booklet


IN the coming days, a Coronavirus booklet issued by the government will be delivered to every house in the country, marking the first mass-mail operation launched by the state since the Iodine tablets of 2002, and the vials of Holy Water distributed when Playboy first went on sale in the mid-90s.

Contained within the booklet are helpful tips and suggestions as to how we can all get through the Covid-19 outbreak together, and information about what to do should you or a loved one show symptoms of the disease. WWN received a sneak-peak at the booklet during our routine check of our neighbour’s mailbox. Here’s what we saw:

A quick guide titled ‘How To Read This Booklet’.

A five-page foreword from Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, reminding you of who helped you all out while this was going on.

A paragraph listing Coronavirus symptoms, and what to do if you feel unwell.

A YouTube link you can type in, which brings you to the Taoiseach’s incredible speech.

A drawing of a nude woman and a nude man, titled ’emergency porn’.

A pull-out tinfoil hat to help you avoid the 5G rays that cause Covid-19, if you believe in that sort of thing.

Puzzles and games for the kids, as well as a colour-in picture of the approaching FG/FF coalition.

A complete recipe for homemade Gin/Poitin/moonshine.

A page that can also be used as a tissue.

Another reassuring message from the Fine Gael government that are steering us strongly through this crisis.

“Talking to elderly people who think they’re immune” guidelines.

“Talking to young people who think they’re immune” guidelines.

“Giving out about young people and the elderly” guidelines.

All of the above, in Irish.

Coming to your doorstep soon!