FOLLOWING on from Brendan Howlin’s resignation as party leader the Labour party have wasted no time in finding a suitable successor and will now seek to appoint a grave digger to finish off the job believed to have been initially undertaken in 2011.
“We need someone with the relevant experience to ensure this hole we’ve dug ourselves into is the requisite depth and a suitable grave,” read ad run in newspapers today as Labour sought a grave digger with the necessary experience, “no one wants any risk of a zombie walking around, freaking out and depressing the public in equal measure”.
“We’ve asked the PDs, Renua, the Democratic Left if they still have the number for the lad who buried them, you don’t want to be caught by surprise by the whole needing a grave thing,” explained one Labour member.
“We’ve picked out the plot, nice private and secluded as we won’t be expecting many visitors. Unmarked grave too if someone wants to graffiti ‘double college registration fees’ on it. We just need to find someone who can dig a grave, you know someone who knows what they’re doing and looking around here, it’s certainly not us,” they added as they clawed away at topsoil with their bare hands.
Despite returning 6 TDs to the Dáil maybe observers of Irish politics have suggested the Labour party’s best years are behind them and that their decision to seek someone with the proper experience for end of life planning is the responsible thing to do.