Varadkar Spotted With Election Erection


MUCH like the white smoke emanating from the Sistine Chapel upon the announcement of a new pope, ‘election erections’ among politicians have become a clear indicator that an Irish general election is soon to be called.

Spotted recently with his own raging horn, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar neither denied or confirmed the possibility of an early election this coming February, stating that it doesn’t really matter as the Irish public haven’t the balls to vote out Fine Gael anyway, not that it matters.

“Well, they’re hardly going to vote for Micháel Martin,” the Taoiseach told awaiting press outside Leinster House, before accidentally knocking over a Newstalk microphone with his throbbing member, “ops, sorry about that, he-he, this thing seems to have a mind of its own every 6 to 7 years”.

“It’s either us or them, or them and us together, but whatever the outcome – it’s not going to change anything for the voter so get that out of your little minds,” he added, now trying to cloak his crotch area with his right hand as a loud howling noise emanated from his jocks, “my apologies here, it’s very excited and likes to howl manically sometimes”.

Echoing the Taoiseach, the Fianna Fáil leader also appeared erect upon interview, but only semi-erect, blaming his part impotence on recent opinion polls.

“I’m not saying I’m fully hard enough to become Taoiseach, but Fianna Fáil needs a good stiff ally, and I don’t think the Greens are hard enough to even stick it to them,” Martin explained, desperately hitting his penis in frustration before concluding, “this never happened before”.