A COUNTY Waterford couple looking to rent a house, flat, garden shed, anything they can get their hands on, have decided to take turns refreshing the search facility on property website Daft.ie for the 250th consecutive day.
Reliving the daily anxiety of searching for a place to live, Gerry and Tabatha Richards woke to find the same four unsuitable lets in their locality, forcing them to contemplate changing jobs and moving to the middle of nowhere, or indeed, another country.
“Oh look, here’s a one bedroom granny flat for twelve hundred euros in Ballygobackwards just popped up… ah feck, it’s only to let for 3 weeks, not including weekends,” Gerry realised, now deflated by the fact they have only 40 days to vacate their current property as the landlord is ‘selling up’.
Scraping previous plans to rob a local ATM with a digger for a house deposit, or kidnapping the Housing Minister for a ransom to build more homes, the desperate pair brainstormed better, more legal ways to secure a property to let in one of world’s most overpriced housing market.
“Maybe we could bribe an estate agent or something,” suggested Tabatha, oblivious to the hundreds of other couples contemplating the same tactic, “also, I don’t mind doing anyone special favours either if you don’t, Gerry, desperate times and all that – I’ll just close my eyes and think of you”.
After putting out a plea on social media to friends asking them if they knew of anywhere habitable currently available to rent, the couple’s one Fine Gael voting friend reminded them that they deserve no sympathy and that it’s no one’s fault but theirs for not being able to afford a house, and for thinking they’re too good to live under a collapsed bridge made entirely out of asbestos.