Government Rush To Get All Bad News Out While Nation Distracted By Gaybo

THE government has seized on a once-in-a-generation opportunity to flush out as much bad news as possible in 24-hours, while the media devote the entire news cycle to the death of beloved RTÉ presenter Gay Byrne.

With news outlets granting blanket coverage to the life and times of the former Late Late host, Fine Gael gave the instruction to their PR teams to ‘hit purge’ on every scandal, political disaster and voter-unfriendly piece of business as possible.

Ministers from across the FG front bench gleefully contributed embarrassing details about their shortcomings this morning, safe in the knowledge that they would at best be a footnote on page 8, if mentioned at all.

“Failing to secure adequate social housing in O’Devaney Gardens; get it out there!” yelled a FG PR CEO, slamming down the phone after a call from Eoghan Murphy.

“The water in Meath and Dublin is fucked again; people won’t have time to cry about it when all they’re reading about is sad tales about Gay. Speaking of which, get RTÉ on the phone. If ever they wanted to hike license fees and cancel Fair City, now is the time. Does Harris want us to bury his latest HSE fuck up? He’ll never get a better chance!”

UPDATE: The good times continue for a gleeful government, as the Boy A and Boy B sentencing is ‘bound to eat up column inches for days’.