Devil All Good For Landlord Souls, Cheers
THE purchasing department for Hell has issued a firm warning that it has met its quota for landlord souls for 2019, and will no longer be accepting offers of souls from Irish property owners wishing to enter the rental market.
In a statement stamped by the lord Beelzebub himself, Hell has firmly told those wishing to cash in on the current housing crisis that souls will not be purchased until further notice, and that any attempt to sell a soul to the devil in order to become rich beyond your wildest dreams while exploiting the neediest in society will be met with a solid ‘no thanks’.
This has thrown the Irish rental market into disarray, as somewhere in the neighbourhood of 10,000 would-be property moguls had intended to sell their souls to the devil and begin letting out their garden shed for two grand a month between now and the New Year.
“I have a three bedroom house in town that I could be renting to 16 Brazilian lads, but I have to sell my soul to the devil to do so… and now they’re telling me I have to wait until January?” sighed one Dublin property owner, furiously trying to reach Pandæmonium Customer Service via an Ouija board.
“Like, holy fuck. It makes you wonder how many landlords have sold their souls in the last five years, to actually make Hell full. Still, what am I supposed to do now? Just let it sit there, with a family in it paying me a fair price for it? This is bullshit. I’d already served them eviction papers, sold them a story about how my brother was coming home from America and all”.
Meanwhile, the devil has stated that he will continue the ban on acquiring souls from people letting out rental property exclusively as a lucrative AirBnB during an unprecedented housing crisis, as even the denizens of Hell aren’t that evil.