Man ‘Prorogues’ Relationship With Girlfriend While On Lads Holiday


TAKING HIS lead from Boris Johnson’s decision to effectively suspend democracy by shuttering parliament in a move also known as ‘proroguing’, one local man has ‘prorogued’ his relationship until he gets back from Magaluf with the lads.

Cian Casserly (23), inhabiting a Johnsonesque disregard for the normal rules or laws of relationships, broke the news to his girlfriend of one year Katie Downings shortly after touching down on the tarmac of Palma de Mallorca Airport.

“By ‘proroguing’ us I’m just like, basically, saying there’s some important work I need to get done in Magaluf and I can’t get it done if we’re officially in session…d’ya get me? I can’t be on the session if we’re in session,” Casserly relayed to Downings live on Sky News in a hastily assembled media address given in a bid to quell any panic.

Sources close to Casserly now say his objective of executing a ‘go hard or go home’ Magaluf piss up with the lads during which he can do whatever he wants is closer to being achieved than ever before.

Despite any challenges by his girlfriend to the legality of proroguing a relationship, in light of previous assurances he gave that he would do nothing of the sort, Casserly was hopeful that the whole thing would blow over with minimal fuss.

“It’s nicknamed Shagaluf, not Behave Yourselfaluf, she knew what I was going to do all along and knew she was powerless to stop me,” Casserly confirmed with a glint in his as he playfully tossed his famously unkempt hair around on his head.