GAA Launch Witness Protection Program For Referees

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FEARING for the safety of match referees and staff over questionable calls on the field, the Gaelic Athletics Association has launched an optional witness protection program which will relocate referee’s abroad, WWN can confirm.

The new measure launched shortly after the weekend’s All Ireland hurling semi-final, where the referees, linesmen and umpires came under fire for some ‘bad decisions’, putting their life in danger thanks to the GAA’s openly threatening fan base.

“I’ll fucking kill the bastard,”shouted one 9-year-old Tipp supporter at yesterday’s semi final in Croke Park, where he saw his home team beat Wexford in a tense match up and a series of questionable decisions by the referee.

“We know where you live you blind piece of shit… we’ll kill your entire family and your dog,” shouted a Limerick supporter at Saturday’s game against Kilkenny after a poor call from a linesman sparked mass riots outside the stadium left 43 people dead, and more devastating, leaving Limerick defeated.

The new witness protection program is expected to cost the GAA hundreds of euros over the next few years, as each fleeing referee, umpire or linesman will be given a one way, 200 euro Ryanair voucher. The GAA will have to also cover the cost of changing the referee’s name to Irish on their passport and other IDs, in a bid to hide their identity.

“Nothing is more important that the safety of all our staff and the association’s finances,” the GAA said in a very brief statement released on a frayed beer-mat this morning to the Irish press.

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