Local Woman Breaks Sound Barrier Running Away From Spider


The sudden increase in aerodynamic drag caused by local woman Emer Carthy fleeing a nearby spider as she approached the speed of sound resulted in the Kildare native entering the history books for breaking the sound barrier.

“At first all I heard was wild incomprehensible and over-the-top screams and shrieks, so I figured it was a spider alright,” explained Carthy’s boyfriend and designated spider assassin Peter Geary.

“But when she bolted out of the kitchen through the hallway and smashing through the front door without opening it I could see the vapor building up around her and then that unmistakable ‘boom’ sound,” Geary added.

25-year-old sales manager Carthy becomes the first human to break the sound barrier unaided on earth’s soil, but didn’t seem to be in the mood to savour her achievement.

“Is it fucking gone Peter? Peter, stop laughing. Is it gone? Is the fucking spider gone? This isn’t funny. No, don’t come near with it if it’s in your fucking hands, I swear to God. I’m not coming back in ’til it’s gone. Is the fucking spider fucking gone?” Carthy said of her sound barrier breaking run which reached a top speed of 767mph.

Contrary to Carthy’s claims the spider, which provided the panic-fuel required for the run, was not ‘6 feet long with massive fangs’ and was closer to the sort of small spider men manfully dispose of as they mock their girlfriends while pretending not to be utterly creeped out.