MULTI-STORY car park ramps that connect one floor with another are to be made even smaller under new measures implemented for the craic, WWN can confirm.
Unhappy with the numbers of motorists scraping the side of their cars and wheels along the already narrow spaces, car park companies announced they would reduce the standard size down by another 30cm in order to ruin even more people’s vehicles.
“We want to see how tight we can make them before it’s actually impossible to use,” said CUE-Park CEO Denis Roddington explaining the move, “there is nothing more entertaining for our staff than seeing a nice, fancy new car grinding its side panels or alloy wheels off the concrete boundary of our expertedly designed ramps.
“Drivers are more aware of the spaces now and we just want to tighten them up some more for the fucking craic and make it more challenging for the driver. We also hate SUV drivers, so this should simply stop them from ever using our car parks, the pricks”.
Along with the new measures, car spaces will also be reduced in size by 10%, while hourly rates are set to double in the wider Dublin area, because Ireland.
“We’re also looking into a new hide and seek service desk where customers have to guess where the only car park attendant is – it’s going to be fun”.