Islamic State Leader ‘Just Needed A Little Time To Himself’

ISIS LEADER Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the world’s most wanted man,  has come forward and admitted that his retreat in search for inner peace is the reason that we ‘haven’t been hearing a lot from him lately’.

Al-Baghdadi made his surprise return to social media following ISIS’s heavy defeat in their last stronghold of Baghouz in March, and expressed his sorrow at missing out on so many important moments in his pet project’s lifetime.

With ‘A Little Time’ by The Beautiful South playing softly in the background, Abu took to the official ISIS Instagram to explain how he’s back and things are going to be ‘just the way they were’.

“Well, first I’d like to say that I’m not dead ha ha ha,” opened al-Baghdadi, in reference to the many reports of him being killed in drone strikes and the like.

“But yeah, I’ve been away for sometime. I just looked at all the death and heads and crying and blood and… just the negativity coming from the media who never really understood me, you know? So I took some time. Did some traveling. Met up with some people who gave me a lot of advice and well, yeah, lots of money and arms. So if it’s okay with everyone, I’d like to just start back where we left off, okay? It’ll be just like before, I promise”.

Although the West had sworn that they were through with ISIS, the return of a real bad guy that could be used as a cause for continuing the forever war in the Middle East proved too much to turn down and they have agreed to give al-Baghdadi ‘one last chance’.