Under Legal Advice John Delaney Compares Himself To Jesus Christ

“I COMPARE the persecution I have suffered directly to that of Jesus Christ, and do so only under the strictest legal advice”

The words of the FAI’s John Delaney at his appearance before the Oireachtas Sports Committee which was dominated by his decision ‘under legal advice’ to refuse to answer questions while treating the Irish public’s desire for clarification on the FAI’s finances and governance with rank indifference.

“Chairman, committee members,” Delaney said, tears streaming down his face as he thought about all he does for Irish football, “it would be remiss of me not to make the obvious point, which is that, like Jesus Christ during his crucifixion, I too have been wronged while giving so much to humanity”.

“It’s nearly Easter, and no one can deny my plight eerily echoes that of Jesus Christ. While he rose from the dead, I have risen to the position of Executive Vice President”.

The committee adjourned briefly as Delaney, an innocent bystander in everything that happens in his life, was treated for the appearance of stigmata on his hands and a hailo around his head.

The FAI then furnished the committee with several statements it will be forced to correct once more accurate information comes to light. Delaney also brought a large cardboard cut out of his girlfriend in a bid to provide evidence to the committee that she is attractive.

“This is not pertinent to why we’ve called you here today,” the committee chairman explained to Delaney as he cradled the cut out, occasionally kissing it.

“Forgive them, for they know not what they do,” Delaney humbly he said as he nodded in the direction of the media in attendance, who have in recent times mercilessly flogged the Waterford man and chosen high king, His Excellency, the patron saint of Irish football.