Earthquake Reminds Government That Ireland Still Owns Donegal


DONEGAL was struck by a 2.4 magnitude earthquake on Sunday night reminding the government once again that yes, Ireland still owns the North Western county despite not paying it very much attention over the past 100 years or so.

Picking up a dusty rotary phone labeled ‘County Donegal’, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar and his advisers spent several minutes deciphering the age old communication device before correctly managing to dial the nook county’s emergency landline number, ’26’.

“Hello, Peter, hey?” a grainy old female voice on the other end of the line replied, referring to presidential candidate Peter Casey – Donegal’s last hope.

“Ah, hello there, this is the Taoiseach, is everyone okay up there? I know its been a wh… ” Mr. Varadkar responded, before being cut off by the woman.

“Aw fuck, that gay lad is still there,” the voice barked, now faintly speaking to someone else, “I think he’s only ringing about the earthquake shite… hah?… ask him?… oh okay I will, yeah” the woman was heard saying, now returning to the phone in full voice, “c’mere hey, will fix the trains back? We needs jobs too, hey, all the kids have moved off, and they’re not kids anymore. They’re old now, we’re still here ya know… surviving”.

Now miming the words to ‘hang up’, the Taoiseach’s adviser’s hand now hovered over the hang up button on the old rotary phone, before suggesting a closing line: “Just blame Brexit”.

“Ah, yes, Donegal is our main concern right now and we will be right back to you following Brexit!” the Taoiseach blurted out before hanging up in haste.

“Jesus, that was a close one, Leo,” another adviser exclaimed, “maybe we should get rid of that old phone”.