Review: We Try Some Vegan Friendly Cocaine

WITH everyone striving to be more health conscious these days while also trying to remain ethical as they partake in all consumer transactions, there has been a significant rise in retailers and food producers marketing directly to vegans.

And it turns out drug dealers are no different; spotting a gap in the market one intrepid seller of substances which can help destroy people’s lives has created a product ideal for the ethically conscious vegan.

“Vegans adhere to a strict diet, and seem to have a strong set of morals they refuse to compromise on which is very admirable and not something I’d find easy to do myself,” explained cutter of cocaine, Peter Penson.

“I kept arriving up to gaff parties with a bag of cocaine and found an increase in people asking ‘is that vegan friendly’? Ya know people want to know what’s going into their bodies at the end of the day, and if animals were harmed in anyway. It really couldn’t be more important to these people so I set about researching where my cocaine came from and made sure it was 100% vegan friendly,” Penson added.

Penson’s hard work has really paid for vegans up and down the country who want to know that their lines of cocaine aren’t harming any animals, and the new batch doesn’t compromise on quality.

After snorting a line through a bamboo straw we became overly chatty and truly obnoxious just like when we do normal cocaine. It only took us about 5 minutes before everyone at the party we were at left the kitchen to avoid us. We honestly couldn’t tell the difference between the batches.

Penson spoke more about how the guilt free vegan friendly cocaine is changing the lives of his health conscious customers.

“It’s a weight off their shoulders and it’s in keeping with their lifestyle and morals, more drug dealers and high street restaurants are offering vegan friendly options. It’s a growing trend and long may it continue,” Penson concluded.

Demand remains high as Penson confirmed he’s expecting a new delivery any day now from a rural Mexican village which avoids police raids simply by murdering local law enforcement and anyone who threatens to go to the cops.

WWN’s final review: 5 out of 5 for the vegan friendly cocaine. Can’t do any better.