How To Cope If Your Kid Asks Santa For Big Bottle Of Palm Oil


A CHILD’S belief in Santa Claus is a beautiful, magical thing that is fragile, tender and finite. There are only so many years you get where your kids really, truly believe in the wonder of St. Nick himself. As such, it is your duty as a parent to get your kids whatever they want for Christmas, even if that’s something that causes direct and irreparable harm to the environment.

This year’s must-have item is Palm Oil; sweet, delicious, 100% pure palm oil, harvested in unregulated areas of the world with a direct and grievous cost to the biodiversity of that area. The kids love it, just can’t get enough. So the question now becomes; do you want your child to wake up on Christmas morning and not find the 5 litre drum of Palm Oil they asked Santa for? Can you live with that?

Although your heart might be swaying towards saving endangered species from bulldozer-based harm, you must fulfill your duty as a parent and buy your kid that precious Palm Oil. If you can get one with some orangutan fur floating in it, all the better. What are your alternatives? For your kid to be the one child at school that didn’t get five acres worth of Palm Oil? How can you look your kid in the eye and say, well, Santa doesn’t deal with companies who ravage our planet’s natural resources, when Derek up the street got his?

This battle of what is the ‘right thing’ to do has been raging for generations, we remember asking Santa for Rhino horns when we were small, and being heartbroken when our hippy parents told us that Santa doesn’t deal in black market goods. We never really believed in Santa after that, and in years to come our folks admitted that they knew they had let us down.

Don’t be that parent. Give your kids whatever they ask for, whether its Palm Oil, blood diamonds, or off-road scooters that they’ll probably cripple themselves or others while driving. It’s not time to be judgemental about what they ask for; it’s time to be the good guy. You really don’t have much choice in the matter.