Nation Urges Taoiseach To Make The Brits Beg


COGNISANT of the fact Britain remains Ireland’s nearest neighbour and key trading and business partner, the Nation has urged the Taoiseach to make sure those Brits get down on their knees and beg for forgiveness before any changes are made to the mooted backstop agreement in the Withdrawal Deal the EU have in place with Britain.

Theresa May is set to meet with EU leaders today seeking adjustments to a deal she herself signed up just weeks ago, with Ireland’s border central to all new negotiations.

Refusing to let 800 years of anger, resentment and suffering cloud its judgement when it comes to paving a way to a mutually beneficial financial, social and civil arrangement post-Brexit, the Irish public have requested that when Leo Varadkar meets Theresa May today he opens with the words ‘lick my boot, peasant’.

“Brexit affects Irish people north and south of the border, it has the potential to damage our economy and peoples day to day lives. Maintaining good links with Britain even in the face of their ignorant provocations is essential. And that is why we urge the Taoiseach to calmly say ‘scarlet for your Ma, state of your gaff these days. Have yiz no shame, ye complete saps. C’mere to me so I can tell ye t’fuck off’,” confirmed a spokesperson for Irish people really enjoying the farce that is British politics at the minute.

Leading lights in Irish business have stressed the importance of not losing sight of the very real impact Brexit will have on Ireland and how a continued dialogue with Britain will lessen the economic fallout.

Taking these declarations of an urging for civility, prudent political overtures and an end to a mocking triumphant tone into account the Irish public’s attitude may take a turn for the more reserved and cautious.

“Y’know as much as we hate to admit that makes solid sense but if Jacob Rees Mogg doesn’t agree to getting a tattoo on his face of Michael Collins kissing Gerry Adams then we should really make them suffer,” the Irish public confirmed.