Peter Casey To Deliver Christmas Day Speech On RTÉ

FAILED presidential candidate Peter Casey is to address the nation at 3pm on Christmas Day, after RTÉ secured the rights to feature the straight-talking, no-nonsense businessman after striking a deal which insiders suggest is worth at least six figures.

Casey, who came second in the polls after endearing himself to the nation with a series of matter-of-fact, tell-it-like-it-is statements about minorities in Ireland, will be the ‘crown jewel’ in RTÉ’s festive line-up, with a ten-minute slot at peak Christmas TV time which is sure to be a ratings smash among people who love Casey and want to hear what he says, and people who hate Casey and want to see what he says.

Although details are scarce as to what format the show will take, sources close to RTÉ have confirmed that the broadcaster ‘doesn’t really give a shite’ what Casey says or does, as long as he brings in ‘them ratings’.

“Peter Casey is a controversial figure, but that doesn’t mean we should silence his voice” said a spokesperson for RTÉ, somehow maintaining a straight face.

“We feel that Peter’s views on travellers, single mothers, dole cheats and other lesser-important members of society will make for fascinating watching on Christmas Day, and the show is sure to generate some sparkling conversation points around the dinner table all over Ireland. Do you agree with him, do you now agree with him… we don’t really care, we just need you to watch this thing so we can sell ad space either side of it. Merry Christmas, everyone!”.

Casey has yet to make a comment about his Christmas show, as he is busy with his new radio show, his podcast, his first book, his daily newsletter, and his feature film ‘Like It Is’, as well as an endless list of appearances on radio shows, live debates, and guest columns in every newspaper in the country.