Claim Slab Of Cans Will ‘Do The Whole Christmas’ Found To Be Fraudulent


A WATERFORD man’s claim that a 24-pack of Budweiser cans priced at €25 would be sufficient to cover him for the entire Christmas period has been found to be either a gross miscalculation based on out-of-date data, or a blatant, outright lie.

Mick Haskill made the claim while shopping with his wife Carrie in Waterford City centre at the weekend, after she admonished him for putting the 12 litres of beer into the shopping trolley, smushing the bread and the bananas.

Haskill countered his wife’s ‘where are you going with that?’ statement by stressing that it was nearly Christmas and they needed a stock of beer ‘in case anyone came around the house’, and assured Carrie that the purchase of a single slab would last until the Feast Of The Epiphany – a claim that experts in Mick’s drinking have balked at.

“Looking at the empirical data available to us, it is highly doubtful that this slab of cans is going to see December, let alone Christmas,” said a close drinking associate of Mr. Haskill, in an exclusive interview with WWN because he thinks we’re his best mate.

“24 cans to last for thirty days? He’ll have a quarter of that gone the first time Die Hard shows up on the telly. Rest assured, this isn’t a slab for the season. This is the first of many, many slabs that will be downed over Advent. But sure when drink is that cheap, what are you going to do? Not get shitfaced every night? Come on now”.

Furthermore, it has been found that Carrie Haskill’s claim that one tub of Roses would suffice for the entire Christmas period is also ‘a crock of shite’.