Cheapskate Couple To Have ‘Intimate Wedding’


RATHER than throw what they call a ‘vulgar, ostentatious display of excess’ for their upcoming nuptials, Waterford couple Eileen Sheridan and Cathal McFarrell are opting for what they describe as a serene, intimate ceremony that has nothing to do with the fact that they have a strict budget and they’re fucked if they’re going over it.

“We don’t need all the bells and whistles, we just need a priest, my folks, her folks, and maybe like, thirty other people,” said McFarrell, going through Google for the cheapest florist he can find because ‘they’re only going to get thrown out the next day’.

“You see these huge weddings with all the friends and all the family… do you really need that? Wouldn’t it be better if there was just a few people there, to really share in what me and my fiancé are coming together in? And also, wouldn’t it be a bonus if this thing cost three grand, tops?”

Although most women would love a big fairytale wedding, Eileen Sheridan shares her husband-to-be’s penny-wise attitude to the big day.

“What’s the best part of any wedding? The cocktail sausages, right?” she beamed, buying her dress on AliExpress.

“So why not just have them for dinner? Forget beef or salmon; cocktail sausages. I’ll do them myself in the fryer when we get out of the chapel and head back to the house, before Cathal gets the Spotify playlist going. It’s just exactly the type of intimate wedding we’ve always dreamed of”.

Sheridan and McFarrell have also hinted that they’d still like at least 200 quid from each guest as a gift, and have specified this in the WhatsApp wedding invitations they’ve sent around.