Tripping Kids As They Run Around Restaurants To Be Made Legal


LONG-awaited legislation is about to be passed, allowing fully grown adults to trip kids running around their feet in restaurants, pubs, trains, wedding receptions, and all public areas across the country.

Until now, spirited youngsters were legally entitled to run as fast as they fucking can, wherever they like, despite the immediate proximity of dangerous kitchen implements and glassware, or even adults just trying to relax and have a few pints.

From Monday, adults will be able to trip kids up with no legal recourse, whether they do it by simply sticking their foot out at the right time, or push a stool out in front of them just as they fly past.

“The law we had was madness; kids were allowed to tear around restaurants, and adults weren’t allowed to floor them? Insane” said Judge Anne Barry, prepping herself for some serious tripping in the coming weeks.

“It was actually a crime; you could get arrested for assault on a minor. Thankfully, we as a nation have finally gotten some sense. Maybe now kids will think twice before they start turning a coffee shop into a decathlon, or a cinema into Mondello park”.

The legislation also permits the stopping of kids on wheeled modes of transport, from sticking a stick into the spokes of a passing BMX, of just clotheslining some cocky teenager from his passing skateboard.