Insomniacs Urged To Watch Ireland Play Football In Order To Sleep


THE FAI are celebrating the news that they have, in the last few moments, sold the last of 50,000 tickets for Ireland’s match tonight against Wales after insomniacs got word that Martin O’Neill’s negative and turgid football could be the ultimate cure for insomnia.

Well meaning Irish fans, thought to be the best fans in the world, reached out to insomniacs around the world sharing the good news of a cure for the wretched condition after they sat and snored loudly through Ireland’s 0-0 draw with Denmark.

“Please, take my ticket. Take it! It’s free, here I’ll give €100 just to take it,” one kind Irish fan said as he chased after an insomniac in Dublin city centre earlier today. Seemingly desperate to help someone less fortunate than himself, the fan rugby tackled the man to the ground and insisted he take the ticket off his hands.

This incident is believed to one of thousands coming to light since Ireland’s shockingly blunt and aimless display against an anemic Denmark team on Saturday. Illegal DVD copies of the Denmark are already being sold and shared among the insomnia suffering community, and extra flights into Dublin filled with insomniacs have been scheduled to ensure they can attend tonight’s cure/game.

“No, no, I think you’ve got your facts wrong there,” FAI chief John Delaney said, stressing he believed the 50,000 tickets – all purchased by the International Association of Insomniacs were bought not because of their potent sleep inducing powers but because Ireland plays positive and entertaining football.

The FAI confirmed no refunds would be offered to insomniacs if Ireland somehow fluked a goal in a 90th minute goalmouth scramble which saw a Welsh player score an own goal.