Everyone In Ireland To Have Won The Lotto By 2089


IF THE rate at which people win the Lotto jackpot continues, everyone in Ireland will be millionaires by 2089, according to some people who have stressed this isn’t their area of expertise so please don’t hold them to their predictions.

The relentless cascade of good luck stories flowing freely from Lotto HQ in Dublin has seen many armchair fans of jackpots speculate that before too long the whole nation will have won the big bonanza.

“I’m no expert,” confirmed one non-expert, “but if I am right and I eventually win, I might buy a new armchair,” added the armchair Lotto fan, Terry Griffiths.

Much of the hard evidence is however based on Griffiths own belief that anyone splashing out on anything has in fact won the lotto.

“Tríona from work bought one of those fancy €8 sandwiches with a funny sounding cheese in them. You don’t that unless you’ve won big. Mark my words,” confirmed Griffiths.

Despite a population pushing close to 5 million people, within 71 short years everyone will have triumphant winning stories of how they picked their numbers at random with a quick pick or played the same numbers, week in, week out.

“Whether you play using your hamster’s birthday as a number, let your psychic cat pick for you or you go with a quick pick; the good news is abso-bloody-lutely everyone will have the thing won by some point,” explained Waterford native Griffiths, who was also basing his research on the fact his wife’s friend’s neighbour’s office won big recently in a syndicate. Apparently.

“It feels like every other day some fella’s won a million and his delighted face is haunting me on the news. That or someone updating Facebook saying they won €10 on a Lotto quick pick which is just as devastating for me, imagine the amount of Choc Ices you could buy with that,” concluded Griffiths.