Baby Shark Kills 5

FIVE people have died and dozens more have been injured in one of the world’s worst shark attacks of all time, when an attempt to replicate the recent online ‘Baby Shark’ craze using a real baby shark went terribly wrong.

Wannabe-viral superstars flocked to a beach off the coast of America after hearing that a family of Great White sharks had been spotted in the seas, before wading into the shore to film themselves doing the ‘Baby Shark’ dance, as made famous by a YouTube video targeted at very young children.

Although the main audience for ‘Baby Shark’ may be pre-school toddlers, that hasn’t stopped fully grown members of our society recreating the adorable dance, with everyone from school teachers to nurses, to bin men to carpenters, posting their own version online in a bid to achieve something. Anything.

As such, dozens of people waded into the sea off the coast of Florida yesterday with their phones aloft, hoping to be the first to do the Baby Shark with an actual baby shark, until their movement in the water disturbed a nearby shoal of sharks, resulting in what coastguards are calling ‘the world’s dumbest bloodbath’.

“You could see all these idiots with the blackest of eyes, like a doll’s eyes, just staring at their phones as the sharks hammered into them,” said one shell-shocked Naval doctor, operating a makeshift hospital on the beach which is currently struggling to cope with the torrent of injured patients ambling up the shore.

“First they all were delighted to see a real baby shark, until it started lopping off legs and arms, followed by Daddy Shark, Mamma Shark, Grandma and Grandpa Shark, all lethal killers despite their funny names.

“Five dead. Countless injured. And hopefully, a very important lesson learned”.

Footage of the massacre has gone viral online, which may not have been the attention the wounded were looking for, but ‘they’ll take it’ anyway.