Parents Can Burn 3,000 Calories Begging Children To Get Dressed For School

A RECENT study carried by leading experts in sports science has revealed that parents can burn as many as 3,000 calories while begging, pleading and shouting gentle encouragement at their children in a bid to persuade them to get dressed and ready for school.

The American College of Sports Medicine has confirmed that the various actions carried out by parents as they try to get their children dressed and ready for school can amount to a similar amount energy expended when running a marathon.

“Yes, it’s actually the equivalent to running a marathon and then fighting off an angry bear,” explained Professor Olan Wyche, head of the study which observed over 1,000 families and their morning school run routines.

“Now, if you have more than three children, that can be more than 4,000 calories and as with all big exertions parents would need to stock up on cards and hydrate throughout their endless pleading with their children to just get themselves fucking dressed already,” added Prof Wyche.

Varying degrees of opposition to getting dressed for school from children were factored into the study, and while some children have no trouble going to school others similarly to their parents, burn plenty of calories too.

“When you add up the kicking and thrashing about in bed, the crying, and faking a cold, kids can expend some calories too, but nothing on par with the draining experience parents have,” concluded Wyche.

Advice for parents includes resting up for the rest of the day and getting an intense deep tissue massage after finally getting their children to agree to get dressed.