Temple Bar Enjoys First Vomit Free Day Since 1996


A LARGE SCALE investigation involving the police, Dublin City Council and the Irish Pub Association is underway after Temple Bar experienced its first vomit free day since September the 22nd, 1996.

The shocking discovery was made early this morning as council workers went about their daily routine of placing a giant suction hose down the specially designated ‘vomit trenches’ Temple Bar is known for, only to find that for all of Tuesday, the 21st of August, not one single reveler had vomited.

“Astonished is the word, astonished and slightly frightened there’s some sinister reason behind the fact no one blew chunks everywhere,” explained chief Vomit Gatherer for Dublin City Council, Al Kennedy. “Sure, it’s good news I guess, but this is a seismic event in Irish history and we need to understand why this happened”.

Experts have descended on Temple Bar to seek answers as Garda monitor CCTV footage in a bid to isolate the troubling problem.

“I had to check for myself, but there they were – the 6 foot deep, 6 foot wide vomit trenches, empty, no one had gotten sick on buildings or even exited Temple Bar to get sick in the Liffey,” alcohol consumption and sessionologist Dr. Pavel Bosic explained.

Some speculate that with the impending arrival of Pope Francis revelers have toned down their behaviour, however, this has been dismissed by Gardaí.

“The 3 naggins of vodka limit per person imposed for the Papal mass has no correalation to the events in Temple Bar on Tuesday,” one senior Garda told WWN.

Those living in real fear that Temple Bar could enter into a second day of non-vomitation were soon reassured by the comforting sight of a student simultaneously vomiting while pissing and shitting himself in the doorway of a Centra shortly after downing one too many shots.