Rookie Garda Disappointed With Amount Of Strip Club Visits During Investigations


EAGER young pup Garda Sean Hartin is enjoying his first year on the national police force, but has expressed some concerns about the lack of high-speed chases, bonnet-sliding, and meetings with informants in seedy strip-clubs while dancers gyrate on poles on the stage behind him.

The Waterford native was initially delighted to be stationed up in Dublin where he believed that he would experience the highest possible ratio of ass-kicking to moodily walking around while saxophone music played somewhere in the background.

However Hartin, 26, has confided in WWN that the only part of his time on the force that even vaguely resembles an 80s action cop movie is the fact that he has been partnered up with a gruff, old-fashioned head-stomping guard who looks like he should retire at any minute.

“I sure spend a lot more time moving homeless people on than I thought I would” sighed Hartin, during his 11.15am break.

“So far, I haven’t had to use any of the Ju Jitsu I learned when I was a teenager – I have a green belt just hanging up in the press doing nothing. No hanging off the bonnet of a car speeding through town, no prostitute with a heart of gold as a girlfriend… I don’t even have a fucking gun. I have a stick. A fucking stick!”

Hartin wrapped up the interview as he had to go and get more biscuits for his 11.30am break, ahead of a nice long evening of speed camera duty.