“Yeah, Fingered Her & Everything” Confirms Man On Phone To Everyone On Bus


COMMUTERS on a Dublin Bus were left in no doubt as to how successful one local man’s date was last night as he giddily shared details of what transpired at the top of his lungs, WWN can confirm.

Making his way home from Dublin City on a packed bus as it raced down the N11, Brian Colann, a qualified human, engaged in a private conversation on the phone, allowing the entire bus to listen in on his loud and vulgar exclamations which rivaled a Metallica concert for volume.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘not the type’ me hole. A couple of glasses of wine each and we were flying. Ah, I’d say I’ll give her a second date, probably dying for it in fairness, be rude not to,” Colann explained, while wearing a suit; the visual indicator that he was a card carrying member of civil society, “I’ve had better than her, mind”.

The ‘her’ in question is believed to be 26-year-old engineer Una Flaggan from Carlow, who agreed to a date with Mr. Colann, labouring under the misapprehension he wasn’t a complete piece of shit. Flaggan even went as far to share positive details with her friend via WhatsApp, of how decent Colann seemed.

“Fair play to him,” remarked fellow commuter, pensioner Noel Huggins, “if you can’t shout down the phone to a mate in public about a young one, in descriptive and disrespectful terms, then what’s this world coming to at all?”

Those commuters hoping they would not hear any additional details regarding the method, technique and number of fingers Colann used after spending an evening being perfectly decent company for his date were left disappointed as his phonecall continued as the bus remained stuck in traffic.