WWN Guide To Sleeping In That Heat

AS Ireland’s biannual heatwave continues to bathe the country in temperatures of up to 30 degrees celsius, the Nation once again finds itself confronted with with the seemingly solutionless problem of heat-based insomnia.

Given that the majority of Irish housing units are built with the sole purpose of keeping out driving rain for 364 days of the year, finding ways to source sufficient ventilation on a hot summer night can lead to hours of tossing and turning under the covers, over the covers, under the covers completely naked with one leg out, or over the covers but with a t-shirt on but no pants. Should all these methods fail to provide enough comfort to fall asleep in, you may wish to try the following:

1) Get drunk

Unsurprisingly, a very Irish problem has a very Irish solution. Should opening windows, buying a fan and/or having a cold shower before bed prove to be ineffective when fighting the soaring nighttime temperatures, simply do what the rest of the country is doing; turn to the bottle.

As you may have learned over the course of your life as an Irish person, our crippling addiction as a nation to alcohol as the solution to all of our problems can come in quite handy at times, and this is no different. Why struggle to fall asleep, when you can simply pass out?

Of course, you may have a head start on this; during heatwaves, the average alcohol consumption in Ireland soars by almost 50%…. 75% if you happen to live near a canal. So chances are, you’re already a bit drunk when you head to bed. All you need to do, is get that little bit more intoxicated. This way, it doesn’t matter that your room feels like a crematorium; you’ll just go from awake to asleep the minute you hit the pillow. Hangovers? Reduced ability to function at work? Increased potential to get into fights with those around you? These are all problems for another day!

2) That’s about it

Nope, we sorted it there with number 1. Neck drink. Pass out. We’re good here.