New Garda Uniform Bought From Middle Aisle In Aldi


THE PROPOSED new summer uniforms for An Garda Síochána, an unsuitable replacement for the currently unsuitable uniforms, were purchased for next to nothing in Aldi, WWN sources can confirm.

The uniforms, which use cutting edge technology to make it look like someone in charge of updating outdated uniforms was keeping busy and is very important, have been criticised by frontline Gardaí.

Aldi, known for competitively priced food and other sundries, is less well known for providing expensive, purpose built uniforms for police services.

“No stone was left unturned, no cutting edge research and insights ignored in our search, which consisted of rocking up to Aldi and picking the one blue t-shirt we found,” explained one person involved in the uniform selection, careful to note how little it all cost, which is all that matters when it comes to policing in Ireland.

“We will require all Gardaí to iron on An Garda Síochána’s badge onto the t-shirt itself in their spare time, the results speak for themselves,” added the person, who admitted to agonising over whether or not to buy the cheap and generic workpants on offer at Aldi for at least four seconds.

The dashing outfits, with their distinctive cheap looking tshirt and trousers will make it easier than ever to identify how underfunded frontline Gardaí are in the face of gun-totting drugs gangs and elaborate corporate fraud and malfeasance.

Rejecting the notion that more money and resources are needed to transform An Garda Síochána into what is commonly referred to as ‘an actual police force’ in other countries, the Dept of Justice were firm in their stance.

“Nonsense, we’re replacing one 1987 Ford Cortina squad car with a 2001 Mondeo, so those accusations are absolutely outrageous,” confirmed a source while papering over some fresh cracks.