White Wine Cancels Out The Effects Of Red Wine, Finds Study


A NEW study into the effects of alcohol on the human body has unearthed a groundbreaking new find which could change the course of human history as we know it.

Researchers at MIT in America have found that an equal measure of white wine “cancels out” the alcoholic effects of red wine when the white wine is consumed straight after the red, due to a unique chemical breakdown in the stomach.

Following a group of 900 volunteers, the study asked 450 subjects to drink a bottle of red and a bottle of white, but to alternate from one to the other, whereby they would drink a glass of red first, followed closely by an equal measure of white.

“We were surprised to find that of the 450 people, none of them showed any sign of being inebriated,” explained lead researcher Prof. Martin Weisberg, “while the other 450 subjects who drank two bottles of the same type of wine were absolutely plastered and ended up wrecking the testing studio, with a large majority of them later removed for violent and sexual behaviour”.

The news has been hailed by alcoholic treatment groups as a newly found miracle, which could see an end to chronic hangovers.

“We’ve already started handing out free bottles of red and white wine to wine afficianados,” said one wine mixologist, “unfortunately, a lot of them have been swapping the bottles for matching ones because let’s face it, it’s not the test they’re drinking it for, but it’s early stages yet and there will always be teething problems”.