Lightning Quick O’Shea To Break Sound Barrier In Final Ireland Game


WATERFORD MAN and objectively speaking, with no bias, Ireland’s greatest ever soccer player, John O’Shea, has announced that he will play his final game for the Republic of Ireland in an upcoming friendly match against the USA.

His 117th and final outing in the green of Ireland will see his last yard of pace, which actually retired several years earlier make a return, with rumours O’Shea fully intends to break the sound barrier with his trademark, blistering turn of ferociously fast jog and light ambling.

“No one can question the commitment and heart of John, he gave incredible performance after incredible performance for Ireland, with his goal against Germany etched in all our minds forever, but it’s that pace I’ll miss the most,” explained football fan, Dermot Young.

O’Shea, who represented Ireland in two European Championships and has just the 5 Premier League medals, is known for legs so long that they make it look like he might not actually possess the ability to run like he did in his younger days, however, he simply requires fewer strides to complete the 100 metres in 6 seconds.

“Now, some idiot fans would say that in the heat of battle, he did the cynical and smart thing by grabbing hold of a striker’s jersey so they couldn’t out run him,” football historian for his local pub, Martin Nevins explained, “but John actually felt sorry for strikers who simply couldn’t keep up with him so he was only trying to drag them along with him so they wouldn’t look so pathetic and silly”.

The Aviva stadium could see a rare sell out as eager fans take up the chance to see O’Shea push himself to the limit with a dedicated effort to finally eek out that tiny bit extra required to break the sound barrier.